Terrance Blauer

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

I miss you lots this time of year especially.. I'm grateful I'll get to see you again. Love you lots... Merry Christmas..

Memorial Day 2011

2011-06-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

Memorial day (and any other) just isn't the same without you..

Happy 29th

2011-05-16T19:29:00.001-07:00

I couldn't really write about this on your birthday here... so I did think about you the days before and after and the day of sucked!!! I miss you and your birthday is always the hardest...

Little while...

2011-04-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have been missing you a lot the last little while. I think it's because your birthday is coming up soon, and it's the hardest day. I miss not being able to talk to you. I hope you hear me anyways... even though I mostly gripe!! You always listened.

3 Years

2011-01-24T06:48:00.001-08:00

This is one of the 5 biggest days I miss T the most. I can't believe it's been 3 years! I remember EVERYTHING that happened the minute Tracy called me to tell me something was wrong. I remember everything that was said, I remember all my feelings, I remember everyone I called, I remember the physical pain I felt and the spiritual. I remember sitting in his living room with Cody's arms wrapped around me so worried that he was scared, and upset that he was alone and I wasn't there. I don't know I'll forget it.

I know all the "good" stuff, and I know he's safe and in a good place, but I hate that he's missed all the things I wanted him to be at. All the birthday's, parties, dinners, playing games, watching him and Cody bash each other, making him steaks, watching him play with Athena and harass Atty. I miss his big smile, and his hugs. I miss the stupid text messages he would forward me, and the hilarious emails. I miss his love for life, and want to be with my family, and hang with me. I miss his phone calls, and how much trouble he would put himself through refusing to get me a lame "gift card" and pick me out some of the weirdest and yet some of my favorite clothing items. I miss his laugh and just hanging out. I miss buying him birthday and Christmas gifts, then harassing him about I know what he's getting since he hated surprises, well that's not true, he hated WAITING for surprises, just like me. I wish he could see our new house, and see the kids growing up, and all the progress we are making as a family. I wish I could call him and tell him to come over for dinner and hang. I miss him burning me CD's and gritting my teeth through the 10 out of 12 songs I just wasn't into. I miss him begging me and mom to make him pumpkin rolls. I would give anything to see him, and hug him, and I know one day I will. It's the waiting that's so hard. I've fortunately learned a lot from this not that I wanted to. I am now the BIGGEST bawl baby, I choke up easily, but I see others pain and struggles more easily. It's helping me through my, and my family's journey in going to the temple. I think my anger is gone, but my pain doesn't seem to change. I don't know that it ever will.

I love that Cody will do things, or say things that remind me of him. Even sometimes Drew will. It always warms my heart, and then makes me cry. I love that he was here with me, and that he is my brother. I cherish every memory I have of him and always will. The songs he gave me, and the things he gave me are now precious irreplaceables. I pray my memory of him never goes away or changes, or I forget a single moment we had.

He's with me always, and I miss him horribly. But I also have my family here that I need to take care of, and I know he helps me. I struggle with many things... LOTS of imperfections, but these are the people that make it ok to hold onto him as best I can and know that it's ok. Thank you to all my beautiful family that deals with me in all aspects. Thanks to my wonderful, beautiful friends that understand my weaknesess and never tire of me and my whining and griping. Most of all Cody, who knows I'm crazy, and I use it a lot, but he still loves me, and that's perfect to me.

MIssing You

2010-12-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

I missed you horribly on my birthday... Wish you were here, that I could see and talk to you and not look like I'm schizophrenic talking to myself.. Christmas sucks without you too!... Miss you little guy..You would have loved the brisket.

Skeletor.....

2010-10-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Wonder what you would have been this year??? Miss you....

Happy 28th

2010-05-09T14:15:00.000-07:00

How do you pick up and just keep going as if someone was never there,
as if someone was never woven into your life,
and leave pieces of them that are to hard to bear thinking about,
knowing that at each event your life is taking you they would have been there,
would have the memories with,
would be part of the rest of your life?
How long does it take for time to heal wounds?
How long do you hold onto your pain cause you can't let them go.
I'm sure it doesn't mean much where you are, but Happy Birthday... you would be an old 28 yesterday.... Miss you much

2010-03-21T22:00:00.001-07:00

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
Or has lost one.

Libera - Going Home (Full Version - Live)

2010-02-16T17:21:00.001-08:00

2010-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

2 Years ago seems forever since I've seen you. I don't like that there are things I want to do with you, or have to come to with us and can't. It's a pain I don't think will ever clear, but changes. It's changed me, and my feelings, and thoughts, and importance of things. Even though I still struggle, I know you're watching over me and my family. I've seen you in so many dreams, and though I feel at times that letting more of you go to heal is so difficult. I miss you and love you very much.

2009-11-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven, and bring you home again.

Donor Wall

2009-09-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

210 Heroes Added To Monument

Salt Lake City, Aug.— Once a year, Utahns take a moment to remember the people who bled or died, and ultimately saved lives.


One family finds their loved one's name on the Wall of Honor.

These are not the military heroes, but 210 ordinary folks who donated large quantities of blood over a decade or donated organs and tissues for transplants.

Hundreds of Utahns gathered at the Celebration of Life Donor Monument on the southeast corner of Salt Lake City Library Square on Saturday, August 26th for inspiration and song, but mainly just to remember their loved ones.

Marian Neeley, a donor mom, will tell the story of her son, Tom, who died in a car accident in 2000. Todd was an organ, eye and tissue donor. Also on the program are Lisa Ann Madsen, who is a regular blood donor and Brian Holcomb, a liver recipient, who suffered sudden liver failure while proposing to his wife.

Located in the heart of Utah at Salt Lake City’s Library Square, the Celebration of Life Donor Monument honors Utahns who have made the commitment to saving and improving lives through the selfless act of organ, eye, blood, and tissue donation. A beautiful garden houses an ornate fountain; a Wall of Honor, consisting of three glass panels with approximately 2,500 donor names etched into them; and bronze human statues by famed artist Gary Price. The monument stands as a truly unique memorial, as one of only a handful of permanent tributes to donors in the nation.

Find a Grave

2009-07-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here's two links that my very ancestory faithful cousin, Sonnet has on her blog. Thought it was kind of cool.
Click here for Terrance
Click here for My ancestors.
Thanks for all your work Sonnet... looks like you've spent some faithful hours on this...

A Poem

2009-01-23T20:42:00.001-08:00

To My Dearest Family

There are some things I’d like to say

But first I want to tell you that I arrived okay.

I’m writing this from Heaven

Where I dwell with God above

Where there’s no more tears or sadness

There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy

Just because I’m out of sight

Remember that I’m with you

Every morning, noon, and night.

That day I had to leave you

When my life on Earth was through

God picked me up and hugged me

And said, “I welcome you.”

“It’s good to have you back again

‘You were missed while you were gone

As for your dearest family

They’ll be here later on.”

“I need you here so badly

As part of My Big Plan

There’s so much that we have to do

To help out mortal man.”

Then God gave me a list of things

He wished for me to do

And foremost on that list of mine

Is to watch and care for you.

And I will be beside you

Every day and week and year

And when you’re sad I’m standing there

To wipe away your tears.

And when you lie in bed at night

The day’s chores put to flight

God and I are closet to you

In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on Earth

And all those loving years

Because you’re only human

They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry

It does relieve the pain

Remember there would be not flowers

Unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you

All that God has planned

But if I were to tell you

You wouldn’t understand.

But one thing is for certain

Though my life on Earth is o’er

I am closer to you now

Than I ever was before.

And to my very many friends

Trust God knows what is best

I’m still not far away from you

I’m just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead of you

And may hills to climb

But together we can do it

Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy

And I’d like if for you too

That as you give unto the world

So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody

Who’s in sorry or in pain

Then you can say to God at night

My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented

That my life, it was worthwhile

Knowing as I passed along the way

I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody

Who is down and feeling low

Just lend a hand to pick him up

As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street

And you’ve got me on your mind

I’m walking in your footsteps

Only half-a-step behind.

And when you feel that gentle breeze

Or the wind upon your face

That’s me giving you a great big hug

Or just a soft embrace.

And when it’s time for you to go

Form that body to be free

Remember you’re not going

You are coming here to me.

And I will always love you

From that land way up above

We’ll be in touch again soon.

P.S. God sends His LOVE!

The Words to the Song Thats playing

2009-01-11T12:40:00.000-08:00

Leave out all the Rest

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
but no one would listen
cause no one else cared
after my dreaming
I woke with this fear
what am I leaving
when I'm done here?
So, if you're asking me, I want you to know....

Chorus

when my time comes
forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
don't resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
but neither have you
So if you're asking me, I want you to know...

Chorus

Forgetting
all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

Chorus

So Life keeps going....

2008-12-17T22:31:00.000-08:00

I'm missing you more this last little while than ever it seems. I'm sure it's because of the holidays coming up, and the fact that I couldn't invite you to hang out with me on my birthday.... Last year you came and played bingo winning that hot wheels car, and took a picture with the dorky face you always made. It was one of the last events I saw you at. Even though it was snowing so badly, and we couldn't make it through the canyon, you still went to take the girls their Christmas presents. All the things we get together and do I always have you in my mind thinking it would be so fun if Terrance could come hang out to. I try to keep lots of this in, and most times succeed, but I can't change the fact that this year and all it's next times, will hold a little less luster than they used to. I know without a doubt that you are laughing at me so often at my reactions to your mortal loss, but it doesn't change it. I'm struggling to understand still, and figure out what this is all about. Some days it's easier, but it sure makes Christmas, and all the fun memories of it harder to bear. I wish you were here, stop laughing at me, and I keep an eye on my family, cause we all know I need it.

Thoughts

2008-11-21T20:31:00.000-08:00

I miss you..... Halloween wasn't the same, and niether will Thanksgiving....

Halloween

2008-10-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

It just wasn't the same without you!!!!!

Last Year

2008-10-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

This time last year we were preparing for our Pumpkin carving, and our Halloween party reception. I'm very sad to know that Terrance won't be there physically to hang with, and laugh at. To wear his crazy hillbilly costumes and do his silly little dance to crack us up. Miss you.

7 months

2008-08-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

It's been 7 months yesterday since you left. I'm still struggling with that.

We have some funny pictures of T. I love all the ones I have of him and my dog Athena. He loves dogs so much.

I used to make fun of him with this one, cause he looks like a girl. Flexing his skinny, non existent muscles.

Hanging at my house for dinner.

A Gift

2008-07-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

A few days after Terrance passed away I got the following email. Just so you all know Matt is one of the Dr.'s I work for. He was actually Terrance's Dr. so he did know him to. I don't even know if any really knew he did this for him, but he thought Terrance would appreciate money going there because he loved animals so much...... especially dogs. I thought it was pretty awesome.

We were asked to inform you that Matthew Welter has made a donation of $300 on behalf of Terrance Blauer to CACHE HUMANE SOCIETY using JustGive.org. You can be sure that this gift will have a valuable impact on the charity it supports and on the important cause it represents.

About CACHE HUMANE SOCIETY:
ANIMAL WELFARE

A Personal Message to You from Matthew Welter:
I am so sorry for this tragic loss. Let me know if I can be of any help to yourself or your family. -Matt

Melissa and her friends from RR Donnelley also donated $400.00 to the Cache Humane Society in Terrance's name. It wasn't just friends from work Melissa also put in money. Also and Melissa's two aunts on CW's side also sent $100.00 each as did my aunt send $100.00 so I think that's $700.00 donated to CHS.

Army Photo

2008-06-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

I always thought this was a funny picture of Terrance. I'll tell you why
1. He didn't always smile in pictures, but if he wasn't smiling he had a goofy look on his face.
2. I don't think I've ever seen him so serious.
3. I never thought I would see him in Army fatigues
4. It's the only profession that he got to shave his head and he fit in.

Good thing he didn't stay in it. He was honorably discharged after many medical problems. It's great though since he was in infintry.

Response & Apology

2008-05-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

In response to the comment left on the other entry 'In Response" I have no doubts that there were some kind of money exchange for the answer we were given reguarding Terrance's autopsy. I don't know if/or what his wife is doing with his lawsuit if there is one. I don't know that I will know until I see him again what really happened, but isn't it great that our world is so poisened and vile that we hide things, and keep information hidden to keep rich people and companies safe??!! Obviously the company was nervous to send OSHA in the next week to investigate, and that they fired their safety director?? Why if they had nothing to do with something that had happened?
Now the apology.... I don't know who planted the beautiful red flowers to the right side of Terrance's headstone. His wife was angry that they were in the spot her artificial flowers were in and tore them out. Who ever it was, I'm sorry that she did, and I'm very grateful that people still come to read his blog, and go visit his gravesite... And I'm sorry that you couldn't leave your gift for Terrance. It means a lot to know some people really do still care about things other than themselves.

I Miss You.....

2008-05-07T23:53:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday little brother. I miss you everyday..... and I wish you were here. I love you. I linked my site to the song you downloaded for me, that you said made you think of me so I will link it here. It's called the Beautiful by Five for Fighting. Click here to link, and just press play. It's a wonderful song that means more to me than Terrace will ever know. I love you..... and miss you terribly.

In Response

2008-05-06T15:32:00.000-07:00

I've had quite a few people ask and wonder about Terrance's passing. We got word that it was Indeterminate reasons. It did say that it wasn't a heart attack, aneurysm, or overdose. I don't know, but it seems that with all our technology and abilities that they could tell us something. You wonder if/and what they are protecting by saying they don't know, or if we are really that far off of what we have really harnessed in learning. Whatever the reason I'm still mad at the world and many other reasons that he had to be taken, and that he had to be taken so young for NO REASON. I, along with other people I feel, will always struggle with that vague answer. Though I don't know why, the reality is finally starting to settle in... and it sucks everyday..

Terrance's Headstone

2008-04-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

Here's Terrance's headstone that was put in on thursday.

Oh Brother

2008-02-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

Oh brother where are you?

I can't find where you've gone

It's hard that I can't hear you

and only see you in my dreams.

My thoughts are always on you

sometimes overwhelming me.

Long car rides make my mind wander to you

and many songs are hard to hear

Oh brother why did you go?

were you ready to leave?

I wish I could have been more prepared

or know the end was near.

How do you say good bye to someone

when you still aren't ready to?

Oh brother, MY brother

Now I know you're gone

I'd give anything to talk to you

to know that you are ok.

to know that you aren't alone

and you're not in pain.

Some days the pain is hard to bear

it consumes my soul.

I have to believe with all my heart

that I'll see you again.

Until my time, I must tell my heart

that this life is not the end.

Feb 2008

Some Video of Terrance

2008-02-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

Here's a few clips of Terrance and the Family. They were taken August 2006. The last clip was our last family photos. I'm still going through other videos I have to get all the video I have of him.

Terrance Maynard Blauer May 8,1982-Jan 24,2008

2008-01-27T06:56:00.001-08:00

So I know this is a lot of pictures, and I will write captions on them, but I wanted to get something started for him. He was one of my best friends, and I'm so heartbroken he is gone. How do you tell someone goodbye you weren't ready for to leave?
I have lots more pictures of him, but they aren't on my computer yet. I will update with everything I have as soon as I get them all.
Leave your comments for him, and his family. We would love to hear stories.

At Bear Lake July 2007

At Tara's 27 Birthday party Dec. 2007

At Mom's Wedding reception Feb 14, 2007

Family Photos August 2006

Miniature Golfing August 2007

Playing with Athena before mini golf

Hanging at mom's house.

Thanksgiving 2007

Terrance and Melissa's wedding June 1, 2006

Christmas 2006

Fourth of July 2007

Tara and Cody's wedding Sept 1, 2007

Carving Pumpkins Oct. 2007

At Tara and Cody's reception Oct. 2007